I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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