i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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