She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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