just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
