I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
