That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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