Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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