Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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