its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
