I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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