I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
