she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
