So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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