Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
