Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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