dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
