I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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