I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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