I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
