i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
