we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
