my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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