I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
