Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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