i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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