i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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