Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love having hate sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
