i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
