I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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