I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
