dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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