You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
