Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
