vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
