capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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