If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
