I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
