Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
