Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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