Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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