My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
