I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
