I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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