I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
