im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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