i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
