i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
