At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
