WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You smell like stripper and shame
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
