am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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