The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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