Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
