but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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