so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
