There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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